Were all coming out of the fog. Some faster than others. Alex was tired and hungry and had some serious boot blisters. He was also the first to bounce back. Monday night he was laughing, jumping and cooking chicken nuggets in the kitchen. Today he was the happiest he's been in months. I'm still stuck on Sunday. I can't stop watching him, I've obsessed about ticks, blisters and every scratch I see. We checked in with ZoomCare to have them take a look at his bit fingernails (an Irvin trait) I've gone through an entire tube of Neosporin in 4 days. I want him in my eyesight constantly. I can tell Alex wants me to stop hovering. He wants life without a mom that's 2 feet aways from him at all times. I'll give him the space he wants, not right now, but soon. I watch him and I feel like I have so much to learn from him. He bounces back, his default emotion is happiness, and he's one of the most driven person I've ever met. I want his strength.
If he's getting back on the horse than I will too. I feel bruised and raw but if he can do it then I will too.
When things go haywire I try and figure out how what happened and what I can learn. And one thing I've learned is that you discover more from failure than you ever will from progress.
Things I've learned:
1. Things I feel we have resolved might not be.
2. Alex can do more now and this can get him into trouble.
3. Putting your kid in the community builds a community.
Every day this week Jen has come home with stories about people wanting to talk to Alex. People Alex works with or interacts with have reached out. It's hard for me to talk about this right now, my emotions are still raw. But I will tell you this, the community embraces our kids.
What I'm processing:
1. How I balance independence and safety correctly.
2. Rethinking communication.
In a fit of mania I decided to start using Proloquo2go. Because Alex can speak (need driven speech) I never seriously considered assisted speech devices. I've decided to chuck my theories. We need a way to talk about what happened last weekend. I'm also hoping it will lower his general frustration level about speaking.
My New Goals:
1. Find a new physical activity for Alex.
2. Build more connections with Alex's community.
I'm going to start posting interviews with people Alex interacts with in his day to day life. I underestimated the interest they have in our community. I think I have a lot to learn from peoples observations and opinions about our kids.
3. Focus more on what Alex has to say about his life.
He has opinions. I need to spend more time giving him a voice and letting him have a say in what his life looks like.
And, thank you. Thank you to everyone that said a silent prayer, that read without judging or judged but held their tongue. Thank you to all our friends, family for supporting us. Thank you to BCQ and EG you left lovely comments that had me in tears. Ok, time to get to work, there is plenty of stuff to do.....